Ubisoft makes an “erotic” Wii/PS3 motion control game, rated ages 12 and up

Don’t believe me? Here’s the trailer for We Dare.

I have no idea who this is being marketed to, other than maybe swingers or idiots with too much time on their hands.

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Gameplay Trailer

I was a little late in posting this today, because I spent all day freaking out about it. I won’t really describe it, because I can’t possibly do it justice. Just watch it for yourself.

Yeah. 11.11.11. Can’t come soon enough.

Arrested Development guest characters that need to show up in the movie

Arrested Development (one of the best television comedies of all time, ever heard of it?) has been on the verge of becoming a movie for several years now. The saga is known to most people aware of their pop culture surroundings – insanely funny show airs on FOX, gets a small but unwaveringly loyal legion of fans, darling of the critics, gets cancelled after three seasons. It was a bittersweet ending for most fans; while there was a sense of closure, everyone obviously wanted more, and executive producer and narrator shows up in the last frame of the finale and says “How about a movie?”

Well the movie has hit it’s share of roadblocks, but it seems like it might finally be on track with the cast signed on and a script being written. We might get our hearts broken again, but we can’t help but be hopeful. Which brings me to the point of this article – I was thinking today how much fun the various guest stars had been in their respective roles on the show, and how great it’d be if they brought them back. So I assembled a small list of some of the actors/characters that definitely need to show up in the movie.

Gene Parmesan (Martin Mull)
“Gene was from the best” – Narrator
As Mama Bluth’s favorite PI, Gene unravels family mysteries and wears ridiculous outfits. He only showed up in one episode, but his trademark scene pop-ins where he’s disguised as a doctor/custodian/day labourer were the best part of  “Amigos”. Lucille’s scream of recognition everytime was icing on the cake.

Carl Weathers (Carl Weathers)
“Baby, you got a stew going!”
Weathers plays a cheap, odd, stew-obsessed version of himself (or maybe that’s the real Carl Weathers, who knows) on Arrested Development. I think he’s a necessary part of any movie that gets made because when people think “Carl Weathers”, they don’t think Rocky or Predator or even Action Jackson, they think AD. Plus he’s hilarious.

J. Walter Weatherman (Steve Ryan)
“That’s why you always leave a note.”
The one-armed man who used to scare them as children (and one time as an adult), J. Walter Weatherman was used as a tool by George Bluth to teach his children lessons by scaring the shit out of them. I could just see a lesson going awry in the movie like it does every time he shows up in the show.


Judge Reinhold (Judge Reinhold)
“I’ll allow this, but I’m warning you Mr. Bluth… this better make for a good promo.”
Reinhold only appeared in one episode, as himself, as a judge. Wrap your head around that. But it was his nonsensical mutterings – “Why did I lose all that weight if they’re just going to put me in a pool cover?” –  and aloof reactions to the mock trial going on around him that made that episode. And who could forget the talking magazines, used to great effect by Gob and Franklin in this clip.

Uncle Jack (Martin Short)
“Shoot me!”

Martin Short played the diminutive, paraplegic uncle (but he’s not their real uncle) of the family, a Jack Lalanne type figure who is asked by Michael to bail out the family in exchange for a date with his sister (remember, he’s not their real uncle). This might seem like an odd choice, because if you asked some Arrested Development fans, they’d say that the episode in which he starred is probably the worst. I used to agree, but it’s grown to be one of my favorites, and not just because it’s almost 90% Tobias innuendo. Martin Short does a fantastic job at physical comedy in this episode, and I think there’d be room for ol’ Uncle Jack if the movie ever pans out.

Cancellation

The amount of TV I watch says a lot about my life (nothing positive, I imagine). But what can I do? I’m a sucker for a narrative that pulls me in and refuses to let go, for characters I can laugh, rage and share pain with. I fall for it every time. In a way (a very pathetic way), I’m a hopeless romantic for television. So it really pains when characters I’ve been following for years get brushed away by heartless network executives. In other words, cancellation.

I won’t be bullheaded and claim that the executives are idiots and that they cancelled the show just to spite me and the tiny audience that watched it. Everything in life is a business decision. Either a show performs or it doesn’t, and not every show can be Two And A Half Men (either be grateful or regretful about that, your choice). The network does share some blame; shows get shifted around, not promoted properly or they get stuck in a timeslot where they’re expected to perish. It’s happened to so many shows I’ve loved that it’s hard to even count them up anymore. The recent cancellation of Terriers – we’ll talk about that later – prompted me to write this article.

I’ll end this article by telling you that According to Jim lasted for 8 seasons, and Arrested Development barely made it past 2. Stew on that for a while.

Things I’m looking forward to in 2011

2010 is nearly wrapped up – Christmas is over, the turkey is digested and we uploaded our year end podcast – so all that’s left to think about is the drunken state on New Years Eve and the migraine hell on New Years Day. Oh, and the rest of 2011. That’ll be big too. I just figured I’d run down some of the things I’m hyped for in the coming year.

Games – Where to begin? While there isn’t much in the way of new IPs (other than Bulletstorm and LA Noire), established franchises are getting a huge surplus of games in 2011. Total War: Shogun 2, Uncharted 3, Mass Effect 3, Crysis 2, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Gears of War 3, to name but a handful. Next year is indeed going to be very busy.

Books – While I don’t really get “hyped” for books and their release dates that much anymore (I prefer to just go to the bookstore and browse), I’ll say that the third book in Chuck Hogan/Guillermo Del Toro’s Strain trilogy has me considerably excited. After the downer ending (spoilers! sometimes middle chapters of trilogies have downer endings, folks) of the second book, I’m really interested to see where they go with the story. If you haven’t read it, I would recommend checking out the first book The Strain – Hogan and Del Toro have taken this waning vampire trend and steered it towards surprising and genuinely scary waters.

Music – Just like games, so much is happening in music this coming year. Firstly, the expected but mysterious new Radiohead album, which has to be coming out in 2011 (it just has to!). I am really, really, really looking forward to it. In fact, I am going through their entire catalogue while writing this article.
As for confirmed albums, The Decemberists (The King is Dead), The Strokes (TBA), Fleet Foxes (TBA), Dr. Dre (Detox, it’s coming out, I promise!), R.E.M. (Collapse Into Now), and M83 (TBA) round out what I’m looking forward to next year.

Movies – Unlike the rest of my categories, movies is kind of sparse. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been exposed to too much 2011 marketing. The only thing I can think of that’s not standard popcorn fare is The Tree of Life, Terrence Malick’s sprawling opus about the human condition finally comes out next year. Other than that, we’ve got The Deathly Hallows, Pt 2, that third Transformers movie which will be two hours of utter nonsense but I’ll still be endlessly entertained, and a huge bevy of superhero movies I probably won’t see – The Green Lantern, The Green Hornet, Thor (which seriously looks like some atrocious shit), Captain America, et al. Maybe as we progress further through the year some better looking movies will pop up. There are still a few apparently good ones from 2010 I haven’t seen, Black Swan, True Grit and 127 Hours, to name but a few.

 

It should be a pretty fun year for entertainment at least.

Hey, so we recorded a new episode of the Bodycast

Josh and I got together with Jordan and Steven, two friends of mine to record a super long episode of the Bodycast this week. Clocking in at almost 2 hours, we’re covering our favorite crap of the year, specifically movies and games (and some music and TV). Click on Bodycast at the top of the page for the appropriate links (it’s episode 6!). And remember to try and win our guess that track contest, and win a chance at some random games from the Steam store! Get busy listening…

Just felt like I should share this

God, I really want to play Mass Effect 2 again. Or watch Raiders of the Lost Ark. I’m confused now.

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